Adventures of a marathon girl

Hi y'all, Y'all have been around long enough to know that my mom suffered from ALS and for the observant readers: that's right I'm writing in past tense. Her suffering came to an end on Monday june 18th 2018, ten days after she turned 70. She has left the disease and us in a beautiful and sereen moment with all of us standing by her side as she left us. The week that followed was unreal and weird and now...seven days after my mom's passing and her cremation I have woken up in my own house feeling  a bit out unworldly. Not sure what to do and therefore I turned to the one thing I do know....running. My body and mind have been struggling with the all of ALS and I no longer recognize me when I look at me. So I figured that I really do need to put all of the emotions in perspective and take time to heal but how do you do that? I feel like somehow I am not grieving the loss of my mom correctly. I am not overwhelmed with grieve, I am not lost and I fear that I come ac...

Hi y'all, Keep it unreal and make it happen has been my go to catch phrase since the day I decided I was going to run that full marathon. For me that catch phrase has been more than just a motto, it has been my reminder, my pick me up, my kick in the butt and so much more. It has helped me through each and every time disbelief was visible in the face of people. You know the wordless kind with the raised eyebrow, sometimes audible even by added sighs or coughs to stress the effect. Self-doubt has been erredicated by this phrase and shushed to mere whispers entering and leaving my mind. But...this is by no means something that comes naturally and it isn't something you decide to think and than POOOF so it will be for ever and ever. Not by a long shot! My motto is like a mantra I have to repeat over and over again because the only person that can make the unreal happen is me and the only person that truely needs to belief that I am capable of whatever goal I set for myself.but...

Hi y'all, When words are absolete and time moves on the thing that remains is love. My mom knows her time with us is running out and she knows when she wants to leave this earth. Now I know the controversy, political and religious believes about life and who's it is to take but it isn't relevant anymore. Nothing is. The only thing we want, oughta and need to do is sit by her side as she embarks on her last great journey taking her to a place she can't discuss with us. And that has proven to be far more difficult than I ever imagined it would be. Not because I'm scared, not because I'm choking on grieve, not because I'm awestruck by her courage, not because I'm mad that there still isn't an aswer to this asshole disease. Not because any of all that even though it is all there and I'm going through it all. It is unimaginably hard because of everything and everyone. The ones who are too scared to see her and therefore have stopped coming over co...

Hi y'all, How on earth did we ever end up here? What happened and when did we turn a corner and started the part of our lives where saying goodbye to a live has become more frequent than welcoming a newborn baby into the world? When did we get to this stage? Did we blink? Forget to breathe? Did we miss our stop? Can someone please wake me up and tell me this is not my story, that I took the wrong train and that I should transfer quickly to my actual train that is still in happy ville. Life nowadays has taken a turn to nocturnal alley and it's dark. Not always as consuming as you would figure it must be but dark non-the-less. Life seems to be about trying to find whatever it is you need right now. Sometimes you need time, sometimes it is space and sometimes it is something to hold on to. Yesterday my dad found out that one of his brothers (who has been very sick for a while now) has decided to make the final journey come Wednesday and so today my father is saying goodbye...

Hi y'all, Grieve is an unexplicable phenomenon and yet I feel the dire need to explain what is happening to me, to me. Does that make any sense at all? It's a little like trying to solve a problem while going over it and doing so out loud. For me running has literally always been my go-to thing and even now when sometimes anger, overwhelming pain and total exhaustion take over my life, body, mind and all that is me...even now I run. Not far, not long and definately not fast but I'm running. I need to feel alive, a little like me every now and again to just survive all of the fucking crap I am going through. Nobody ever told me losing a parent is so all consuming and that it makes complete and utter assholes out of everybody involved, so yes that does include myself. Ofcourse I have seen shit things happen to other families and yes even I have the brain capacity to go about it explaining how grieve does weird things to people and how grieve makes us all act in ways we ne...

Hi y'all, Forgive me for not being a loyal blogger. If you have given up on reading my adventures I can't blame you. If you did stick around I truely want to thank you. I am struggling with time at work, with my love, renovating the new house, being there for my parents and dealing with the harsh and ugly face of ALS which my mom is still going through. Some days are good, some are not so good and some days are just [fill in the blanks with curse words of your choice] If any day why did I choose this day to write an update on my blog? Stephen Hawking died. ALS claimed another life and it just gutted me this morning. Next to a brilliant scientist that had the talent of actually reaching a broader audience with his explanation of quite dificult principles in astrophysics, astrobiology and cosmology he was the spark of hope for those understanding the face of ALS. He was the boy who lived....until just now when his body caved and he died. The world lost a brilliant mind, a man...

When you have been around long enough you know certain things that you won't truely know until you've actually been around for more than a few years. A sucky message to youth but a true one too. Time is literally all you need (well and oxygen, water, food, shelter....ugh...the basics) With the year coming to a close I need some time to reflect and set new goals. Running wise I didn't get to where I wanted to be. I broke my wrist and my anckle and just this week I felt that I could run twice and wear high heels without my anckle shapeshifting into a big ass water melon. Nope...I didn't run the 1000 miles I had set out for myself. Heck I'm happy if I even ran half that distance but I'm sure I didn't even get those miles in. Did it tick me off? Like a fury on a bad day it did. You can bet your sweet ass it annoyed the crap out of me and what's more I learned that I can not deal with muggle fakers on run shoes when I'm cut off. Nope. I can be completel...