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Setting a new goal

Hi y'all

You haven't heard from me for a little while and I'm sorry about that. Truth is I have a lot going on and I am struggling with finding my balance. There is work at one hand and there is my private life on the other hand. I wish I had the strength of ten Vikings or the magnificent seven but I'm afraid I do not posses that power and I'm just a normal person with no super powers. I have to tackle life as it comes along and roll with the punches. That is what I have been trying to do but the punches keep getting harder and harder to take.

Back in San Francisco on the 21st of October we got the final word on my mom and ever since that life has been one giant roller coaster ride. My mom, my amazing and beautiful mom has bulbar ALS. The one thing we really did not want to hear has become a reality, It is unfair and that is just all I can say about it really. We are a strong and united family and we are facing this as such. We want to celebrate life every single change we get. My sister in law is expecting my parents' first grand child around December 31st so that is beautiful. We celebrate life in every aspect now more than ever. So just this weekend we got together for Thanksgiving. Not a Dutch tradition at all but for us it is a way to spent time together because that is all we have and we haven't enough of it.

That being said there is work too and somehow I just haven't got enough patience to deal with the hickups of it. A project not half finished when I have to start teaching it is something I can normally handle myself but now I just do not have enough oxygen to actually not blow up and scream at people. I am just so angry all the time. So I decided to tell my boss and we agreed that I could see the company doctor. Which is what I did. I was nervous as hell because I just didn't want to crash in front of her but she was really nice. When she told me I had to cut back on a few hours to regain my strength I didn't want to at first but now I'm glad I decided to drop the project. It gives me just a little more air. Next to that I asked for a coach because I am sure I'm not the only one dealing with this and work at the same time and I think I could benefit from some guidance in this.

Running plays a vital part in my life and now more than I could ever imagine I need my runs. I need that time on the road to reset my mind, to breathe, to just get some air. And so I have decided that 2016 needs to be my big M year. I don't know how I'm going to do it but I will. I need some purpose in all of this. I need time to not think and feel but just be. So I got back in the saddle and I'm back on the road. Training for another half marathon which I will run on valentines day and after that I will take it to the next level.

I am sorry for y'all that this is not an upbeat or happy blogpost but this is my life too. And right now it is beautiful and very very sad at the same time. Rolling with punches that are actually leaving marks on me,

Until we read again, as always
Love, Marlies

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