Hi y'all,
Life as a runner is about a whole bunch of things and life as a runner somehow sometimes seems to be disconnected from your regular life, until your regular life starts to suffer from either running or not-running. How confusing this must be for non-runners and how completely normal this sounds to runners.What the juice is she on about? I'm talking about running and how life for a runner is about making choices to change for the better every single day.
How so? change is not something that happens around you, it is not something you can force upon other people to create an easier path for yourself. Change is an active choice you make each and every day. If you want to be a nicer person: be one, if you want to lose weight: stop eating garbage, if you want to be a runner: start running, if you want to feel happy: smile, if you want to feel loved: start loving yourself. It is that simple. Change is about you committing to something even if nobody else seems to be willing to help you out. You wanna know why? Because it isn't about them. It's about you wanting to change. And that is a choice you should make each and every day.
For me returning to myself, getting back to who I was before the final stages of my mom's ALS is way more difficult than I thought it would be. It's been almost 10 weeks since she passed away and life has returned to normal which means most people feel I should be done talking about it and moving on. And you know what? I can't change that. My life needs fixing, my heart needs mending and my body needs to heal. This has absolutely nothing to do with any of my co-workers, any of my friends and or any of my family members even. It's about me finding a way in a changed reality. As harsh and unbelievably sad as this is is, that is what it is and I need to refind my way. Maybe it is time to accept that the person I was is no longer the same anymore and maybe it is just time to reconnect to the me I've become scarred and wounded but I'm still here.
The runner in me got a very rude and very uncalled for wake-up call just a couple of weeks back and it made me get back on my feet, it made me wanna fight and better yet it made me wanna end the foul source of the call. It made me so mad I got back up because you simply don't kick somebody who's already down. I got so mad it made me wanna run because I'm Wolf and I'm Phoenix. I always rise from my ashes and I will come back and when I do you won't get a head start. I will outrun you and I will always ALWAYS come back and I will have my pack running with me. I am not alone and I will never be.
Now that call to get back on my feet and stop feeling like a victim, took a little something new with him...a somewhat silent whisper that sometimes that preditors instinct making you the badass runner that you are is fine as long as it isn't used to mask something else and so that silent-not-so-silent- whisper became this nagging little ring in my ear and I listened, watched and saw....and I didn't like what I saw. I need to reconnect to myself and get some clarity on why I do what I do. And in this case, yet again, running is the answer in my life. Now if i want to reconnect running is what I need to do. So in order for me to get my much needed clarity my regular life complained and told me to run more. Which means I need to create time to do that and a good challenge always helps...so I did a thing: I signed up for the 50mile month challenge at I Love to Run including bling and hoodie.
Why? Because I am a runner, I am Wolf and I am Phoenix and I will not lie down and watch my world fall apart. I will not quietly sit around to be bashed to the point of zero selfrespect when I clearly do not deserve that. I am a runner and I am making the choice to be one each and every day. So today I started out on my 50mile month challenge, halfway with my 30days of zero challenge. I want to heal my scarred body, my stressed mind and my wounded soul and I am the only one that can make that happen.
You know that point in any adventure when the main character leaves his fellows behind because there a some things he needs to face alone? I am at that point now and I'm no longer scared. Sander is my rock, my compass, my constant and I know he will always be there for me. I'm not scared because even though some things are done alone, it doesn't mean you are alone. I just stepped on the first bricks of a new road. Where it will take me I don't know and what will happen is something I can only find out. But one thing is certain. I am a runner, and I got back up. I am Wolf and I just answered the call, I am Phoenix and I will rise from my ashes. ALWAYS.
Keep it unreal and make it happen.
That's it for now, until we read again
as always, love Marlies
Life as a runner is about a whole bunch of things and life as a runner somehow sometimes seems to be disconnected from your regular life, until your regular life starts to suffer from either running or not-running. How confusing this must be for non-runners and how completely normal this sounds to runners.What the juice is she on about? I'm talking about running and how life for a runner is about making choices to change for the better every single day.
How so? change is not something that happens around you, it is not something you can force upon other people to create an easier path for yourself. Change is an active choice you make each and every day. If you want to be a nicer person: be one, if you want to lose weight: stop eating garbage, if you want to be a runner: start running, if you want to feel happy: smile, if you want to feel loved: start loving yourself. It is that simple. Change is about you committing to something even if nobody else seems to be willing to help you out. You wanna know why? Because it isn't about them. It's about you wanting to change. And that is a choice you should make each and every day.
For me returning to myself, getting back to who I was before the final stages of my mom's ALS is way more difficult than I thought it would be. It's been almost 10 weeks since she passed away and life has returned to normal which means most people feel I should be done talking about it and moving on. And you know what? I can't change that. My life needs fixing, my heart needs mending and my body needs to heal. This has absolutely nothing to do with any of my co-workers, any of my friends and or any of my family members even. It's about me finding a way in a changed reality. As harsh and unbelievably sad as this is is, that is what it is and I need to refind my way. Maybe it is time to accept that the person I was is no longer the same anymore and maybe it is just time to reconnect to the me I've become scarred and wounded but I'm still here.
The runner in me got a very rude and very uncalled for wake-up call just a couple of weeks back and it made me get back on my feet, it made me wanna fight and better yet it made me wanna end the foul source of the call. It made me so mad I got back up because you simply don't kick somebody who's already down. I got so mad it made me wanna run because I'm Wolf and I'm Phoenix. I always rise from my ashes and I will come back and when I do you won't get a head start. I will outrun you and I will always ALWAYS come back and I will have my pack running with me. I am not alone and I will never be.
Now that call to get back on my feet and stop feeling like a victim, took a little something new with him...a somewhat silent whisper that sometimes that preditors instinct making you the badass runner that you are is fine as long as it isn't used to mask something else and so that silent-not-so-silent- whisper became this nagging little ring in my ear and I listened, watched and saw....and I didn't like what I saw. I need to reconnect to myself and get some clarity on why I do what I do. And in this case, yet again, running is the answer in my life. Now if i want to reconnect running is what I need to do. So in order for me to get my much needed clarity my regular life complained and told me to run more. Which means I need to create time to do that and a good challenge always helps...so I did a thing: I signed up for the 50mile month challenge at I Love to Run including bling and hoodie.
Why? Because I am a runner, I am Wolf and I am Phoenix and I will not lie down and watch my world fall apart. I will not quietly sit around to be bashed to the point of zero selfrespect when I clearly do not deserve that. I am a runner and I am making the choice to be one each and every day. So today I started out on my 50mile month challenge, halfway with my 30days of zero challenge. I want to heal my scarred body, my stressed mind and my wounded soul and I am the only one that can make that happen.
You know that point in any adventure when the main character leaves his fellows behind because there a some things he needs to face alone? I am at that point now and I'm no longer scared. Sander is my rock, my compass, my constant and I know he will always be there for me. I'm not scared because even though some things are done alone, it doesn't mean you are alone. I just stepped on the first bricks of a new road. Where it will take me I don't know and what will happen is something I can only find out. But one thing is certain. I am a runner, and I got back up. I am Wolf and I just answered the call, I am Phoenix and I will rise from my ashes. ALWAYS.
Keep it unreal and make it happen.
That's it for now, until we read again
as always, love Marlies
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