Hi y'all,
Without y'allst knowing about it I've been working on a course called personal leadership and by doing this I seem to get closer to finding the me after it all. The gaping wounds that scorched my soul and left me switching from feeling the love and gratitude to feeling utterly at drift in the midst of a stormy neverending ocean of pain, tears and anger...those wounds somehow seem to have created a thin and fragile layer of new skin on them and my raft seems to have drifted into calmer waters. Since I shifted my focus from the dark waters to the brighter lights of positivity I find myself looking out, wanting to venture out, longing for the road and the adventures of a new goal.
In my last update I told you that all I had to do was find a new huge and awesome goal first and than come up with a plan. I did not however anticipated on the plan being there before the goal but there you have it....The plan is here and I know my goal but just not yet the time and place for it, other than it having to be in either October or November and not in Amsterdam.
So what plan did I come up with? Well...today is ash Wednesday, marking the 40 days of Lent after carnaval and fat tuesday (pancake day) and preceding easter. Though I was not raised a catholic the idea of Lent has kind of intrigued me ever since I was a teenager. During the 40 days (not counting Sundays) before easter the idea is to give up items considered to be rich and luxery foods such as milk, eggs, meat & cheese. Now I'm not going to give up dairy products and go vegan like I suggested because my loving husband and super sister both nearly jumped up and raised their voices scared and worried that I was back on the anorexic track. Trust me, that is a thing I still battle every time I venture out on a new goal even though it's a fight that isn't always as clear judging by the size of my clothes. It's there and it is real and my man and sister were right. I was already on the platform back to that track. So I stopped and re-evaluated why I suggested the 40-vegan-days-adventure and this why:
Following the lessons taught by Glinda-the-good there are a few things I need to do. One of the things I need to do is plan my food-intake for an entire week. This takes time, careful deliberation and a the will to actually get behind the stove every day. Somehow I had forgotten that it is exactly that which got me into that creative mood for cooking but when I started to write down what I wanted to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner I remembered. I like the challenge of coming up with just slightely altered cookbook recipes and different types of breakfast each morning. I ended up flipping through pages of favorite cookbooks and longing for Sunday meal prep sessions. I love to cook and now I finally have a proper kitchen and the best tools one can ask for. Now all I need is the will to prepare in order to succeed.
Today marks the first day of Lent and after yesterday's pancakes I'm wearing my ash cross proudly and as I carefully step onto the road of a new adventure all I can hope for is that it will carry me.
That's it for now, keep it unreal and make it happen.
No limits, no regrets.
Until we read again
as always, Love Marlies
Without y'allst knowing about it I've been working on a course called personal leadership and by doing this I seem to get closer to finding the me after it all. The gaping wounds that scorched my soul and left me switching from feeling the love and gratitude to feeling utterly at drift in the midst of a stormy neverending ocean of pain, tears and anger...those wounds somehow seem to have created a thin and fragile layer of new skin on them and my raft seems to have drifted into calmer waters. Since I shifted my focus from the dark waters to the brighter lights of positivity I find myself looking out, wanting to venture out, longing for the road and the adventures of a new goal.
In my last update I told you that all I had to do was find a new huge and awesome goal first and than come up with a plan. I did not however anticipated on the plan being there before the goal but there you have it....The plan is here and I know my goal but just not yet the time and place for it, other than it having to be in either October or November and not in Amsterdam.
So what plan did I come up with? Well...today is ash Wednesday, marking the 40 days of Lent after carnaval and fat tuesday (pancake day) and preceding easter. Though I was not raised a catholic the idea of Lent has kind of intrigued me ever since I was a teenager. During the 40 days (not counting Sundays) before easter the idea is to give up items considered to be rich and luxery foods such as milk, eggs, meat & cheese. Now I'm not going to give up dairy products and go vegan like I suggested because my loving husband and super sister both nearly jumped up and raised their voices scared and worried that I was back on the anorexic track. Trust me, that is a thing I still battle every time I venture out on a new goal even though it's a fight that isn't always as clear judging by the size of my clothes. It's there and it is real and my man and sister were right. I was already on the platform back to that track. So I stopped and re-evaluated why I suggested the 40-vegan-days-adventure and this why:
- I want to run a marathon again...that being it.
- That means I need to shed some pounds because 26.2 miles is not a joke. It's very hard and physically very demanding. The less you weigh, the easier it gets (see my problem here?)
- Lent for me is about giving up something you find difficult to give up and it's about giving to those who are less fortunate than you.
- Lent is also about rethinking your ways.
Following the lessons taught by Glinda-the-good there are a few things I need to do. One of the things I need to do is plan my food-intake for an entire week. This takes time, careful deliberation and a the will to actually get behind the stove every day. Somehow I had forgotten that it is exactly that which got me into that creative mood for cooking but when I started to write down what I wanted to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner I remembered. I like the challenge of coming up with just slightely altered cookbook recipes and different types of breakfast each morning. I ended up flipping through pages of favorite cookbooks and longing for Sunday meal prep sessions. I love to cook and now I finally have a proper kitchen and the best tools one can ask for. Now all I need is the will to prepare in order to succeed.
Today marks the first day of Lent and after yesterday's pancakes I'm wearing my ash cross proudly and as I carefully step onto the road of a new adventure all I can hope for is that it will carry me.
That's it for now, keep it unreal and make it happen.
No limits, no regrets.
Until we read again
as always, Love Marlies
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