Hi y'all,
Once in while you'll find yourself on a road alone, away from other people and even out of sight. Running through the forrest with nobody around. Awesome and a little scary. why? Because we, especially women, have learned to fear places where help isn't near. Places that could harbour danger and potentially even death. We've learned to fear deserted, mostly dense and overgrown stretches of land and we've rationalized our instincts. We've learned to overthink our primal instincts and at the same time we're raised by big-bad-wolve-ideas which is why most of times when I run alone I avoid places that have too much space between me and help which in my case boils down to: I hardly ever run through the forrest and I nearly always stick to bicycle lanes in the not so crowded somewhat rural area I live in. Rural my butt is what most really outdoorsy people would say but was born in Amsterdam, I grew up there and I've lived there for 45 years before moving out of the city into a suburbia-type-of- town. So yeah...to me my Gilmore-Girls-type-of-town is kinda rural and you'll easily end up in natures beauty surrounded by hardly any humans and that....isn't always comfortable.
So what exactly is it that get's me on my toes when I end up in a forresty like stretch of road? To me it is the fact that danger might be lurking behind each and every shrub and tree. That it is really quite easy to get snatched off of a road and end up dead in a ditch without anyone ever seeing you being snatched or hear your cries for help. Clear stretches of nature to me feel less dangerous because out in the open you can see what's happening around you whereas surrounded by trees and shrubs people and things can just jump at you at any moment. Now does this mean that I don't run through the forrest? No it doesn't.
Life itself is like a forrest and you can't go through life avoiding crowded / unclear places just because you are scared someone or something might hurt you. Life will scarr you, life is painful and still you get up, brush-off and try again. Now I am not going out of my way looking for trouble so treading with caution is a good thing to do AND i've learned to listen to my gut more than my brain. Why? Simple: within our society we've become very good at overrationalizing everything. Humans have learned to not listen to that tiny whisper that says DANGER WILL ROBINSON...and I am rewiring my brain to be more open to just thát voice. More often than not in real life I've met people who consider themselves to be cultural, developped, highly educated and yet still so down-to-earth like-people living in their unaffordable to most tiny houses nearly self sustainable unless they get really sick and still need modern hospitals and real doctors kinda humans who call themselves openminded, modern and free and and at first everything seems fine. These do-gooders couldn't possibly hurt anyone right? And yet....that gnawing little voice whispering....danger...danger...just would not be quiet and that is when I started paying attention to conversations.
Remember my last post on non-violent communication and how the human beings that nearly scream in your face about it are the ones breaking each and every rule? Well....since I've started truely listening to what these high moral knights in shining armour are preaching I'm constantly picking up noise... and not the good kind. Each and every conversation I'm the one being echo'd off as the non-believing-not-educated-non-smart-not-getting-it human when in fact all I do is call bullshit when I see it. And when I do so befitting the narrow-minded-echo-cave view they all seem to share I'm all amazing and all good but as soon as I disagree I get smashed in the face with all kind of non-listening-very-judgemental-and-violent arguments that not only devaluate anything you might want to bring to the table for some perspective, those arguments have one objective only: to shut you up and you know what? Thát is just dangerous. It is thé feeding ground for conflict beyond reason and I'm smart enough to not engage in a gun fight bringing just my hands.
In real life I am currently opening up to that gut feeling, the whisper that I learned to ignore and more than ever this whisper is not taking anymore shit by anyone at any time. In running the whisper is my friend, my flashlight in the dark. I hardly ever take the road where I'm cut-off and don't have a clear line of sight. I am vigilant and awake. I listen and I make a decision to take the route that leaves me just as much in awe and with the breath in me to share my story after I'm done. The same now goes for real life with one big difference. Sometimes the path you are on suddenly get's all grown over by some sort of shrubbery explosion that just rapidly takes hold of the clearnes and has one goal only: to get you stuck in it's snare. To lead you away and / or even to get you out of the way. In all honesty that kind of road is no longer one I wish to be on. In December 2019 I decided to lay down my sword and shield and to walk away because I was done fighting and the truth is, I still am. Fighting to get results is tiresome and sad and so besides the point. By engaging you'll only get more entangled leaving you no room to breathe. Fighting for what needs to be done is not how I want to live my life anymore. I'd rather follow the flow and constant energy I feel by whatever links me to all that surrounds me. Space and safety comes from all of that and not from engaging in futile fights that are meant to hold you back, meant to put you off and meant to harm you even.
My gut feeling is telling me to take the other road and to run towards the field. To stand in the open air and to be seen as I get to see what or whoever approaches me. Run, breathe and find that space. Trust your gut, not your brain. If it doesn't feel safe than there's probably a reason for that and you need to decide to stay safe, to do you. Never let your brain rationalize your gut feeling. Like in running go through life proud and fearless not ignorant, loud and blind.
Trust running, the skills in running will help you out in real life. Trust your GUT & write history.
That's it for now, until we read again
As always
Love Marlies
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