Doorgaan naar hoofdcontent

On destructive thoughts and a growing mind-set

 Hi Y'all,

How's everybody doing here? I've been a little more absent than I wanna admit but life once again took over and I am currently trying to get reacquainted with the vessel I was gifted to sail through life aka my body. For a red, a type personality such as myself sailing through the edgy, unpredictable waters of the change is hard. I am prone to have all sorts of destructive thoughts and feelings when I look at myself. I do not consider myself to have a good looking body, I am not an athlete on any level except my determination and sheer will to finish what ever it is I started. In short do not ever take any picture of me because I hate being in pictures unless I took m. Right now I am back on hormones and in a way that is a good thing because my body hurts less and my emotions are sort of lowing down however these hormones sure as hell make my body look like a balloon animal and you try running with 3kg too much weight and a stressful realation with food as is. 


So today as I totally struggled with my vessel in a 10 mile run I at one point just gave up. Not the running (though I admit I did walk bits and pieces), no I gave up on destroying myself. At one point (more precise at km 12 when I started feeling a huge blister under the ball of my right foot) I gave up trashing myself  and I just felt like I do not have to proof anything to anyone. I know I can run a 10 miler. Djeez I ran countless of them. I know I can run a half marathon because I've done more than I remember even and I know I am capable of finishing a full one. There is only one thing I need to understand/learn/grasp....I have to really accept that my body is not 20 anymore. That I am a woman and that I am going through a very significant phase in my life. The change is not something minor and it truely impacts every little detail of your being and that is ok. 

Running long distances is not something I have to give up because the hormones make me puffy/bloated/fat. I do not have to run a sub 5hrs marathon. Hell I don't even have to run a sub 6hrs. I do not need to look like I haven't eaten a grain of spelt since 2001 to actually cross any finish line and if I need 7hrs to finish a full that still doesn't mean I am less worthy or less of a runner. By all standards I still ran that same distance and if anything just think about this: it is my race and I overcame my own obstacles and most likely my obstacles differ from yours and that doesn't mean they're less than yours or that you are better than I am. True you might be faster and thinner and younger and also true: you yourself at one point will struggle with the aging and hormones in the vessel you were gifted. This also means that I am not a better person than anyone else. I am me. Don't compare yourself to me as I have absolutely no reason to do that to you.

All of this is something I know I've written down before and maybe this entire piece is just a way to remind myself that self worth and self love comes from within. So that being said: I ran 10 miles today. I.....RAN.....TEN....MILES....TODAY....I ran ten frekkin miles.

How's that for a regular Sunday? 

that's it for now, until we read again

as always, Love Marlies


Reacties

Een reactie posten

Populaire posts van deze blog

Breaking taboos: The five stages of Runner's trots

Hi y'all After yet another week of teaching and dealing with normal life it seems to become a little easier to combine it all. I wrap my running schedule around my commuter distances to work and that helps. If I'm not running than I'm riding my bicycle to and from work. It's about an 11 or 13 km bike ride depending on the route I take. So switching biking to work for running back makes up for the 11km on Thursday. Now the title of this blog should be warning enough. So if you do not enjoy the dirty parts of running than by all means...STOP READING RIGHT NOW AND GO ABOUT YOUR NORMAL BUSINESS!! Good for you. Even after a fair warning you have decided to stick with me and read on. As you are well aware of I'm running for MLDS (CLICK HERE TO DONATE) a foundation that fights to create funding to help people with stomach/liver/bowel issues. Now after the past few weeks I figured let's see what is happening to me on those 8km-something-runs when I am in dire need of...
Een reactie posten
Meer lezen

The magic of numbers

Hi Y'all, "Anything in life can be measured" someone once told me. I think it was a mathmatician who said it and probably the love of my life since he is one. At that time I didn't think much of it but lately that quote keeps popping up in my head. You know the thing is I am once again completely mesmerized by my second love which is running. I am completely in it's grips and I surrendered to it like cookie monster would to cookies. Right now all I can think of and all I really want to do is run my own runs, go to classes on running, talk to other runners about running and coach other runners. There is nothing else I seriously want to do. I can't read anything unless it's running related and the only thing I feel good doing when I'm not running, coaching or preparing classes is lying on my couch watching Netflix wondering where and when to plan and plot and scheme our next vacation that most definately should include a run or stunning nature so I c...
Een reactie posten
Meer lezen

The will to succeed....

Hi y'all, The world is filled with wishes, dreams, hopes and fears and I'm happy this tiny orb has all of m and yet that longing, that need, that hope for things to happen or maybe even the fear for them won't ever make anything happen. A dream alone will get you through a dark time but it won't make the night go away. Hope for better times will provide you with some sort of elastic band that might stretch a little further but it won't get you over that gap. A wish is nothing more than a whisper over candle light or a shooting star blasted into a universe that knows no sound and fears are the seeimingly unbreakable ties your mind has you wrapped in. The world won't give you anything, the universe can't hear you. People might and hopefully your mind will. Did you ever experience the absolute need to do something, no doubts nor fears about weather or not you're able to? That is exactly how I felt the first time I started training for a marathon. I wanted...
Een reactie posten
Meer lezen