Hi Y'all
Now the title of this here blogpost might ring a bell to few out there. Yes part of the lyrics of an hilarious song called 'The sicknote'. I can hardly describe the immensity of this week and looking back at the past maybe three years even I can only think that it must become very difficult to understand what is laid out on the path me and my love call our life.
Let's try a summary of this week: On Monday my mom called. She tested negative on myasthenia gravis. Hurray and hallelujah would be a normal response were it not that this only means that she is now facing the very real option that it is ALS. The not-knowing right now is horrible. My mom is one of the strongest persons I know and as she broke down in tears it crushed my heart. I love her and I do not want to lose her at all, let alone to ALS. I'm scared and I feel utterly useless. There is just nothing we can do but wait for new tests at AMC hospital. Than on Tuesday night as we were on an adventure in Neverland the doorbell rang at 01:00hrs. When we stumbled out of our beds to see what idiot would be so moronic as to awake us from our slumber, we saw about 10 police officers in front of our house. One of them:"Ma'am is this your car??" pointing at my beloved red Volkswagen Golf. And as I uttered a sleepy yes it is the nice (and very young) police officer told us that our car got hit by a car thief they were chasing. The car is a total loss. And since a car thief is driving a stolen car we aren't to expect any money at all and if any than certainly not any time soon. I think that covers the epical shit we faced this week.
There were good things too. Like Sanders bowels are 'clean'. The scar tissue is there but it isn't growing as it has been before causing that aweful Illeus last time. I enjoyed my classes this past week even with the amount of students in one classroom. Work helps to take my mind of things and I just simply love teaching. And there was running.Yes even with everything that was going on I ran, maybe now more than ever. Some runs were good, others not so much but still. So let us all switch over to the bright side.
In this last week before the taper I tried to stick to my sacred schedule but as the week progressed I found myself making a point of my schedule more than making a point of running. Tuesday was a 3km short run that felt good. Than came Thursday where I was supposed to run 11km but I was swamped at work and came back way too late to even try so than I figured I would run on Friday. As I came back from work on Friday I fell asleep while on the subway and should have taken the hint. I didn't though and tried to run that 11km anyway. I now know what it must feel like to run when you are infected by zombie virus.
So I decided to quit after 2 miles. Now there's a thing I hardly ever do and when I do I normally beat myself up over it like crazy but this time I was too tired to even bash myself. I just started walking home but when that seem to take forever I kind of wobbled the other mile crying without tears. Now I am not the kind of person who will allow a run to get the best of me so next morning I ran 8km anyway and they felt GOOD. This morning I ventured out again and ran a near 10miles. That run concluded my training schedule for the 10 miles I will be running next Sunday at the Dam-tot-Damloop. The taper has officially started. Now how do I feel about this? Well...
I am ready to run those 10 miles! I just want to go and do it but now I have to wait another week and that will make my legs itchy and what am I supposed to do to take my mind off of things? I want my runs! Tapering sucks but I know It will make me run a better 10 miles and I will get my distances back as I train for San Francisco. SO...here's to tapering.
Last but not least I would like to take a moment to try to explain why I might come across as harsh or too strong or maybe even not human. Someone told me this week that showing your emotions makes you more human. I would like to explain why I do not believe that. I do have my emotions and the people that truely know me are the ones that will see them however...what good will it do anyone if I crash and burn and crawl in a corner? How will that help me? How will that help anyone around me? It won't. I have decided to walk in the light and I try to remember that the dark can only be defined by the light as the light can only exist with the dark. Life is a choice to walk in the sunlight each and every day. SO walk, run or skip in the sunlight but what ever you do look at it. Life is too short for you to be the victim of what happens to you. Do not hide from your emotions. Feel them and let them be but remember to walk in the light even when your heart is heavy with sorrow. Light is the only way to fight the dark. And by the way...it will give you that tan everybody is praising me for these past days. So if you are allergic to my somewhat airy look at life than hang on to the tan you get from just getting up and out of that door.
As always, until we read again
Love, Marlies
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