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Tears of defeat and tears of joy.

Hi y'all,

Last time we spoke I told you all about tripping over a lose pavement stone and ending up in a bright red plaster cast. The moment that cast came off May 11th I felt like running the world. So I figured I would run a 14km run that Thursday just to get back in the game. Well...next day I woke up with a spiking fever and big huge white tonsils in my throat. What the HELL? All I could think was:'How come the entire universe is conspiring against me??' and I even had to call in sick, it was thát bad. So what can you do? Nothing. Fever is the one thing that you just need to sit out.



So I did. Lucky me the fever only lasted about 24 hours and so I figured I could run the 14 km that Saturday and I did. So far so good right? So now the only thing standing between me and my half marathon in Leiden was my last long run. A mere 18.5 kilometers and as it turns out I had a day off on Monday. So me and my man sat out for that long run. Right about kilometer 5 my legs started to burn so I had zip of water and trotted on. At kilometer 10 my ass, hamstrings well actually the whole thing called my legs felt like they were on fire. It burned so badly but I just thought it was due to fatigue caused by that fever and if I could just carry on all would be well. At km 16 (that is the 10 mile marker) a sharp and very well known pain around my left knee entered the game and at the 17km point (only 1 mile away from completing that run) I had to call it quits. My legs gave up on me and I knew that if I would run through it that I would seriously injure myself.

Knowing something wasn't right at all I called my physical therapist as soon as I got home and started to frantically roll over my foamroller whilst applying layers of Bengay and ibuprofen gel and than covering my calfs in my compression tubes. With a huge bunch of tips and tricks he let me get through the week by myself and I did run my short run and yesterday an easy 9.5km. My leg started to hurt as soon as I picked up pace or made longer strides. Forcing me to take it easy, really really easy. Unprecedentedly easy.  This morning he had some time to see me and as soon as he got me on that table 'The talk' came and with it my tears. Running the half marathon this Sunday would seriously jeopardize my training for the full marathon. So...NO. I am allowed to run a 10 km run but a half marathon is twice that distance and if I do not want to injure myself I'd better take it down a notch and focus on running the half marathon June 12th. After delivering that bad news he started working my muscles and I thought I was a tough cookie....well trust me. The man really really really knows exactly where to seriously afflict pain. I don't know who teaches them but OMG .... the things I cried out...DANG that hurt. That really really HURT MAN!



So after that insanely ridiculous torture treat (if you're reading this Joris I am sorry for the yelling and all) I cried for a little and booked another appointment for next week and helping me to put it all into perspective the nice receptionist looked at me horrorstruck and cried out: 'Wait what? But you are allowed to only run a quarter marathon? Only??' and she made me smile. And then I had another appointment with my food lady Esther.

Tears of defeat met the tears of joy when I stepped onto the scale in Esther's office. Remember people: for me it is not about beauty or wanting to be skinny. I want to run a full marathon and that means I need to get stronger. Stronger and leaner body means better runs and it means less change of injuries. Guess what? I am doing very well. The food program I'm on is working for me. I am not fuzzing about food and I'm eating healthy food. No weird diets excluding food but just making sure I'm eating right. Today we set a final goal that gives me a healthy body weight for my length and when that number came up it didn't stress me out. That might just be the biggest accomplishment yet. I am OKAY with that number. Truely and wholeheartedly.  Esther really knows her stuff! There is no doubt in my mind that she does. Check out her website right here Esther van Etten



 Al things considered I am doing fine. Learning how to cope with disappointment is part of the game. Not too good at it yet but I'll learn. I am so happy that I chose to work with the people I am working with right now. I can do this!!



That's it for now, until we read again,
As always, Love Marlies

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