Hi y'all,
Marathon training is now full on with longer long runs currently at + half marathon distances and with that doubt is kicking in. Last week on one of my short tempo runs (so that's an 11k) I actually tripped over my own foot and smashed hard onto the concrete path that runs through one of the woods I live nearby (maybe it's a park). Luckily I wasn't holding a bottle and luckily I had my man riding his bike right behind me. I immediatly got up, checked everything, used precious water to clean my chafed hands and knees and kept running but that fall shook me up.
It somehow seems that my mind is struggling to keep away from the pain and trust me...My legs and butt hurt when I run +half marathon. Last Sunday I was scheduled for a 22k run, a wee over half but my body was protesting so much and it was so frekking hot I got mad, really mad and wanted to throw in the towel. I ended up walking-trashtalking myself-running and repeat. Finally at 2 hours and 45 minutes I was done. Slow. Frekking slow but that didn't bother me as much as the pain I felt.
The pain of the long run combined with the fact that I did get scared didn't stop me from running last week but somehow it did become the small whisper that now seems to have taken residence in my brain, the whisper that says: 'is this still you?' That whisper came along today on my 25k long run and even though today I had fun and really enjoyed the hell out of the storm and battering rain when we ran next to the lake, I crashed at half marathon and started to feel each and every muscle. The last 4.5 km I ended up walking bits and hearing myself say to Sander that I truely am wondering if this is still me.
Coming home and taking a shower with a chafed back and a chafed boob it was exactly that whisper that came back....is it all still worth it? All the hours in training, losing toenails, chafing your back and boob (yes always one never both) because of the stupid fact that you have boobs not peas for breasts. Why do you wanna go through with this? And this time the only answers I have is: training for a marathon gives me purpose. And that is true. Also: have you seen the tremendous difference in the amount of men and the amount of women running a full? It is staggering and I for one don't get it. How come so many dudes run +half distances and so little dudettes? What is that all about hunh? So that is the only other motivation I have to not call it quits right away but honestly? I am just not so sure I can hack it this time around.
So what is different this time around? Well for starters I have a 32hrs a week paid job that comes with many unregular hours. That means that I seriously have to juggle hours. Second thing is that I'm probably still recovering from last year even though society dictates that I should (to use the words somebody actually used) 'GET OVER IT'. My body is more tired than it was the first time around and my mind is less able to focus away from the pain. I tripped and smashed into the concrete and I heard myself say: at least I didn't break anything this time. I have broken both my wrists and my anckle before and I'm just not so sure about this whole thing anymore. On the other hand: when given the change to hop on the back of Sander's bike I always flat-out refuse. I'd rather walk bits than crap out all together.
So that's it folks.... I am officially scared. I'm not so sure I can deal with the pain anymore and I'm not so sure I can do it again. I also decided to not make a decision about it now. I'll take it one training at the time and that only leaves me with the question if it would be so bad to not run a marathon again?
Let's just say I'm really trying to keep it unreal and making it happen.
That's it for now!
Until we read again, as always
Love Marlies
Marathon training is now full on with longer long runs currently at + half marathon distances and with that doubt is kicking in. Last week on one of my short tempo runs (so that's an 11k) I actually tripped over my own foot and smashed hard onto the concrete path that runs through one of the woods I live nearby (maybe it's a park). Luckily I wasn't holding a bottle and luckily I had my man riding his bike right behind me. I immediatly got up, checked everything, used precious water to clean my chafed hands and knees and kept running but that fall shook me up.
It somehow seems that my mind is struggling to keep away from the pain and trust me...My legs and butt hurt when I run +half marathon. Last Sunday I was scheduled for a 22k run, a wee over half but my body was protesting so much and it was so frekking hot I got mad, really mad and wanted to throw in the towel. I ended up walking-trashtalking myself-running and repeat. Finally at 2 hours and 45 minutes I was done. Slow. Frekking slow but that didn't bother me as much as the pain I felt.
The pain of the long run combined with the fact that I did get scared didn't stop me from running last week but somehow it did become the small whisper that now seems to have taken residence in my brain, the whisper that says: 'is this still you?' That whisper came along today on my 25k long run and even though today I had fun and really enjoyed the hell out of the storm and battering rain when we ran next to the lake, I crashed at half marathon and started to feel each and every muscle. The last 4.5 km I ended up walking bits and hearing myself say to Sander that I truely am wondering if this is still me.
Coming home and taking a shower with a chafed back and a chafed boob it was exactly that whisper that came back....is it all still worth it? All the hours in training, losing toenails, chafing your back and boob (yes always one never both) because of the stupid fact that you have boobs not peas for breasts. Why do you wanna go through with this? And this time the only answers I have is: training for a marathon gives me purpose. And that is true. Also: have you seen the tremendous difference in the amount of men and the amount of women running a full? It is staggering and I for one don't get it. How come so many dudes run +half distances and so little dudettes? What is that all about hunh? So that is the only other motivation I have to not call it quits right away but honestly? I am just not so sure I can hack it this time around.
So what is different this time around? Well for starters I have a 32hrs a week paid job that comes with many unregular hours. That means that I seriously have to juggle hours. Second thing is that I'm probably still recovering from last year even though society dictates that I should (to use the words somebody actually used) 'GET OVER IT'. My body is more tired than it was the first time around and my mind is less able to focus away from the pain. I tripped and smashed into the concrete and I heard myself say: at least I didn't break anything this time. I have broken both my wrists and my anckle before and I'm just not so sure about this whole thing anymore. On the other hand: when given the change to hop on the back of Sander's bike I always flat-out refuse. I'd rather walk bits than crap out all together.
So that's it folks.... I am officially scared. I'm not so sure I can deal with the pain anymore and I'm not so sure I can do it again. I also decided to not make a decision about it now. I'll take it one training at the time and that only leaves me with the question if it would be so bad to not run a marathon again?
Let's just say I'm really trying to keep it unreal and making it happen.
That's it for now!
Until we read again, as always
Love Marlies
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