Hi y'all
With the entire world going to hell I find myself literally gasping for air sometimes. The things some people think they can say without consequence to me is just staggering. The humans I am referring to here are of the grown-up kind age-wise. They are not kids though admittedly so their behaviour really has me question that. I learned at an early age that I might not be fast, I might not be strong but I am able to inflict serious and long lasting pain by just using my mouth at the right moment. Smacking the air out of another human being like it means nothing. With that knowledge came the understanding that words are not just words and that words do hurt and scar. With that knowledge came the acceptance that being able to write and debate powerfully does not mean it entitles me to more freedom. If anything I learned at an early age to pick my battles and use the weapon I know how to yield only when all other options have run out. In this day and age it seems to me that more often than not humans have forgotten how to just shut the F up. Literally EVERYTHING is aired out, vented and left to dry for everybody to see and most of the time I wonder if the humans letting their dirty laundry fly through the shoot like they're shooting clay doves even see what a mess they are making.
My answer to the choking smog that seems to constantly find it's way back to me is running. Even with the heat of summer burning like crazy I need to run. I need to just let the massive amount of horrid shit that some of those clowns are throwing at me dissipate. Nowadays when you ask questions you are difficult and you need to stop reacting, when you ask fellow humans to please respect your social distance you get screamed at, when you obey government rules in Covid time you get to hear that you don't care for your elders when all you really want to do is keep them safe because they will die of the virus where you might die. Big difference. There is just no way you can swing this the right way because there is always someone who feels like some huge wrong was just inflicted upon them and you know what? I am done with it, over it.
I get it....we all hurt and we all have sacrifices to make. We all have bills to pay and mouths to feed. We all have shit going on but I for one will no longer accept the answer that we all need to take care of eachother when really you're asking me to let you have my money with no guarantees of you ever returning it to me. If you're not my family than I do not have to accept that answer and I do get to ask questions. I no longer accept the fact that you tell me I am part of the problem when I simply don't agree with the way you talk or think and call you on it. I do get to have my own opinion and if that collides with yours it doesn't mean you get to devaluate my opinion with rethorical arguments that hold no evidence in them at all. I am done putting up with everybodies bullshit and this is exactly why I need to run. I need to get away from everyone and everything because sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I forget to see that what is thrown at me is not my shitshow and it therefore is not my problem.
The past few months have felt like the last month of a school year where students get stressed out and vent, are unable to just sit and breath and everybody is just very very short fused. I run so I get to remind myself that it is just that and nothing more. Some humans are just seriously not wired to handle huge amounts of pressure for a longer period of time. Maybe non of us are. I know I've always felt the need to break free so running works and the notion that sincerely people: your shitshow so not my problem yeah? Thank you!
Now If you'll excuse me I am currently taking care of my run down body.
That's it for now, until we read again
Love Marlies
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