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Marathon madness

Hi guys...well here we go! I finished up my training for my first half marathon ever. Started tapering yesterday and I picked up my startnumber this afternoon. Is this really going to happen? I know it will and once again I find myself nervous and excited at the same time. I think it will hurt like hell and I know I will get to a point where I just really want to not run anymore but I also know that finishing this half marathon will be so much more than a 13.1 mile run.

This run signifies the end of a horrible year that started around august first 2012 when I lost my dreamjob. Alas I hand't seen the worst yet because last year right about this time I got my second attack of Neuralgic Amyotrophy and with that I lost movement in my left shoulder. Yet again I endured the most intense pain imaginable (I asked my partner to put a pillow over my head because I couldn't take it anymore)and after the nerves died (which is what happens) I lost the ability to lift my left arm. So the scapula alata (winged shoulderblade) was now visible on both right and left side of my back....and than I turned 40! So there I was...out of a job, no kids, 40 years of age and apart from a blissfull marriage and the best husband anyone could ever have...nothing to show for. Jobless Master of Education and that is when I felt the need to do something, to make this year count and thus I decided to run this half marathon.

And I still had not seen the bottom of that awfully deep barrel (tarpit probably feels more like it.) Because I couldn't use my arm anymore I couldn't get through a good days work and that meant I couldn't make the start-up of my own business succesful. So I had to quit that and find myself a job again. Yes I have been sad, angry,tired, lonely, lost and a lot of other things but I just never gave up. Running helped me through my physical therapy sessions and it gave me something to focus on. When everything failed and when it all went to sh*t I could still run. Even when my arms hurt so bad I couldn't sit or lie down, even when nothing in my world made sense...running did. And so I ran through it all and this sunday I will do it again. I will run through pain, tiredness, anger, sadness and I will finish. This sunday Amsterdam is my battlefield and I will live.

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